New Harry Styles Tour Merch Includes Perimenopause Supplements
NEW YORK—Describing some of the new branded products available for purchase at shows, a spokesperson for Harry Styles confirmed this week that merchandise for the singer’s 2026 Together, Together tour included perimenopause supplements. “We are so pleased to provide concertgoers with an assortment of vitamins, minerals, and herbs that may ease symptoms as they ‘Kiss […] The post New Harry Styles Tour Merch Includes Perimenopause Supplements appeared first on The Onion.
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Pope Releases Encyclical On Perils Of Disney’s ‘Star Wars’ Strategy
VATICAN CITY—Lambasting the “muddled” plotlines of the post-Lucas era in a staggering 60,000 words, Pope Leo XIV released a new encyclical Friday on the perils of Disney’s Star Wars strategy. “The Star Wars franchise, created by God in all its grandeur, is today facing a pivotal choice: either to construct a new Tower of Babel […] The post Pope Releases Encyclical On Perils Of Disney’s ‘Star Wars’ Strategy appeared first on The Onion.
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Top Songs May 2026
The Onion shares the 20 most popular tracks of May. The post Top Songs May 2026 appeared first on The Onion.
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Meta Glasses Users Report Bug Where They Can See Mark Zuckerberg’s Memories
MENLO PARK, CA—Expressing frustration about the frequent error hampering the overall user experience, Meta Glasses wearers worldwide confirmed Friday encountering a bug where they are able to see Mark Zuckerberg’s memories. “I was filming video of my road trip with my Meta Oakleys and all of a sudden I’m seeing the POV of someone throwing […] The post Meta Glasses Users Report Bug Where They Can See Mark Zuckerberg’s Memories appeared first on The Onion.
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Europeans Announce There Nothing Anyone Can Do To Make Them Stop Loving Michael Jackson
PARIS—Steadfast in their devotion to the treasured cultural keystone of their community, the roughly 743.5 million residents of Europe gathered Friday to announce that there’s nothing anyone can do to make them stop loving Michael Jackson. “You may try to break down our resolve with accusations that he engaged in inappropriate sexual behaviors, but our […] The post Europeans Announce There Nothing Anyone Can Do To Make Them Stop Loving Michael Jackson appeared first on The Onion.
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Pit Bull Makes Throat-Slitting Gesture While Owner Not Looking
The post Pit Bull Makes Throat-Slitting Gesture While Owner Not Looking appeared first on The Onion.
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Artist Profile: Kacey Musgraves
Kacey Musgraves has released Middle Of Nowhere, her seventh studio album. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the country star. Genre: Sonically conservative, lyrically liberal Twangitude: 2.5 Glen Campbells How She Was Discovered In Nashville: Abandoned by bachelorette party Awards And Achievements: 4 Grammys turned into bongs  Hair: Purebred Friesian Biggest Rival: […] The post Artist Profile: Kacey Musgraves appeared first on The Onion.
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Trump Executive Order Kickstarts Deep Sea Mining Rush
An executive order by President Trump intended to create a deep sea mining industry has spurred millions of dollars of investment, prompting fast-tracked permitting as companies rush to extract material from the bottom of the ocean. What do you think? The post Trump Executive Order Kickstarts Deep Sea Mining Rush appeared first on The Onion.
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South Korean Starbucks Apologizes For Ad That Evoked Massacre
South Korean businessman Chung Yong-jin, chairman of an investment group that owns a majority stake in Starbucks Korea, bowed three times to apologize for an ad that appeared to mock the victims of a violent 1980 military crackdown on pro-democracy demonstrators. What do you think? The post South Korean Starbucks Apologizes For Ad That Evoked Massacre appeared first on The Onion.
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Listerine Leaves 0.1% Of Germs Alive To Spread Message Of Terror Throughout Microbial Community
SUMMIT, NJ—In a surprise attack of astonishing brutality, oral cavity sources confirmed Thursday that the Listerine inside a local mouth was leaving 0.1% of germs alive in order to spread a message of terror throughout the microbial community. “The mouthwash killed my entire colony and then told me to bear witness to the horrors I […] The post Listerine Leaves 0.1% Of Germs Alive To Spread Message Of Terror Throughout Microbial Community appeared first on The Onion.
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DOJ Launches Criminal Investigation Into All Women
The post DOJ Launches Criminal Investigation Into All Women appeared first on The Onion.
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Trump Makes Figurines Of Himself, Ivanka Kiss In Miniature Ballroom Model
WASHINGTON—Mashing their faces together as he produced loud smooching sounds, President Donald Trump made figurines of himself and his daughter Ivanka Trump kiss in a model of his under-construction White House ballroom, reports confirmed Thursday. According to sources, Trump raised the pitch of his voice and said, “Such a splendid ballroom, Daddy! Let us dance!” […] The post Trump Makes Figurines Of Himself, Ivanka Kiss In Miniature Ballroom Model appeared first on The Onion.
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